Feeling Insecure? 3 tips for handling insecurities
This weekend I got a chance to catch up on one of my favorite TV shows: Insecure. During the latest episode, the main character Issa wondered why she hadn’t heard from a guy she’d been dating recently. They had a great time together. There was chemistry and it was pretty evident that they liked one another. Then guess what? He ghosted her. She called, no answer. She texted, no response. She checked her phone every hour of the day hoping that she would hear from him. When she didn’t, she begin to question everything about herself. Was she too open? Did she talk too much? Did she move too fast? What happened?
Watching this episode reminded me of how the job searching process is. You apply for a role that you think is perfect. You interview and there’s obviously chemistry. You leave just knowing that this is the one, only to find out later that you’ve been ghosted. You begin to question everything about the interactions. Did you laugh at the jokes, did you talk too much? Were you too friendly? What happened?
Here’s what happened. Nothing. Nothing happened. They just weren’t the one.
As you could imagine, job searching is a lot like dating. And if you are dating (job searching) in 2018, then you know that you may run into a lot of people (or companies) that are not the one before you get to the one that is. While you’re still in the vetting process, here are a few things that I want to remind you of.
You are amazing
Yes you. You are amazing just the way you are. There’s this saying that says something to the effect of “.. your worth doesn’t diminish because of someone’s inability to see your value”. When things don’t go the way you would expect them too, don’t start doubting yourself. Tweak where necessary but resist the urge to feel as though you have to change who you are to accommodate others. Brene Brown once said “authenticity is a practice, and I choose it everyday”. Choose to be your authentic self everyday. Trying to be anything else is sure to lead to a path of unhappiness.
Confidence is a main ingredient
Often times, our lack of confidence will defeat us before anything or anyone ever will. This weekend’s episode reeked of low confidence. Issa was so bummed about not hearing from this guy. Maybe she thought he was the best guy she would ever get. Maybe she was shocked that he even talked to her. Or maybe she thought that she wouldn’t get another guy just as good or better. Remember this… every time something doesn’t work out; an interview, a networking event, a date (lol), there is always another opportunity for better. The gotcha is… you will never recognize the better if you don’t believe that you deserve it. You are the prize. You are the expert. You bring the experience. You have the leverage. When you lose sight of that, you lose the very thing that could differentiate you from the others.
Recognize when it’s time to move on
It’s been two weeks since you’ve heard from that job you interviewed with. You are still beating yourself up about all the things you could have done differently that would have changed the outcome. The energy that you are spending here could be better spent preparing for the next, even better opportunity. Pivot your focus to what’s to come instead of what has come and gone. Don’t miss out on what could be waiting for you because you are still lingering on what’s passed you by.
One affirmation I give myself daily that I want to share with you is: Whatever is meant for Cari will never pass me by.
It’s a gentle reminder that the things that have passed me by are not meant for me and to not spend my time or energy focusing on why. Let go of those insecurities, put some confidence in your bag and move on.
Is this the first time we've met? If so, I'm Cari and thanks for reading. I'm a proud Army Veteran and HR professional that loves everything about helping others with their careers. You can find more about me at www.carihawthorne.com.